Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
