So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All the doctor said was why
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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