I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
