shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
