Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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