Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
