Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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