I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
