i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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