Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
