phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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