I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
