6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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