i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Panties = found
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
