Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
