bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
