SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You're like the curious george of whores
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
