Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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