Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
