Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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