yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
