I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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