Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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