I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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