so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
