No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
