I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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