I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need to calm my uterus...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
