Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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