Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
