Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think people are normalizing furries
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
