remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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