So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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