I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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