I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
