There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
