Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
