office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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