did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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