I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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