im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
