doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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