It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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