Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
please come you make the beer taste better
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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