My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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