Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
