Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize