it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
