using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
