we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
