She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
