My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
