it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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