I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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